Helping Preschoolers To Handle Strong Emotions
In this article, we will discuss about an important topic that is “Helping preschoolers to handle strong emotions”. Being a parent of a preschooler, odds are that “emotional Tsunamis” are part and parcel of your life. You should not ask them to behave rationally when they are acting under the influence of their right brains as it is of little help. Instead, you can you help them tide over their strong emotions.
Acknowledge Their Feelings
Even though their actions may be driving you over the wall, it is important that you acknowledge the feelings behind their actions and be empathetic. Also, you need to convey to the child that the actions that the feelings have led to are not acceptable. So the child needs to know that while being angry is acceptable, hitting others because of it is not. It is important therefore to encourage conversation with the child once he is calmer to enable the child to explain what really led to the meltdown. Helping the kid tell his story will also help him make sense of it and deal with it better.
Asking the child questions such as what happened when you saw no body around you? How did you feel? This will help the child see things in perspective and will eventually come to terms with his trauma. Additionally, one should explain to the child that it is ok to experience these feelings and that they come and go is helpful. As a result, the child will understand the fact, while we cannot control feelings, what we can control is our reaction to them.
Model Good Behavior
To match the child’s tantrums with yours is to further reinforce the child’s behavior. If anything, it actually tells the kids that it is ok to lose ones temper. Instead of yelling at the child therefore, if we behave in a calm manner we will be passing subliminal messages to the child that will stand him in good stead in later life. For this it is extremely important that as parents we have our own coping mechanism in place. So whether it is seeking a time out for our own selves or quick for a jog, we must do all we can to be able to control our own emotions?
Fight The Urge To Punish
The one urge that is hard to resist is to punish a child in the throes of a tantrum. It is important to know that punishing or shaming the child does precious little to help the kid deal with their emotions. If anything, they begin to associate the punishment meted out to them with their emotions and start to repress them; a fact that can prove to be detrimental in later life. Therefore, the children want someone who guide them in processing the emotion, instead of shaming them because of it.
Do Not Talk Children Out Of Their Feelings
The first and major step in coping with feelings is to acknowledge them. For starters, therefore, increase the child’s emotional vocabulary. Make sure that he can put a name to the emotion that he is feeling. You can take the help of various games to teach the child the names of a host of emotions. Also, giving examples of phrases the child can use in a situation. For example, if he isn’t getting a turn on the swing in the park, he should be encouraged to say that “I have been waiting for the swing for a long time, could I have a turn” instead of seething with anger.
Talking to the child about your own emotions also helps in appreciating them. It is, therefore, a good idea to tell them that you are happy today because the sun is out or that your pet is sick and that is making you sad. In the same way, talking about how others feel in different situations also helps the child develop a sense of empathy. Asking questions about why a character is feeling a certain way when reading a story to the child, all go in towards developing the child’s emotional intelligence.
On the contrary, telling the child not to cry when he is sad or worse still that brave children do not cry is to discredit the emotions that the child is feeling. Keep in mind that unexpressed emotions can lead to pent up aggression or anxiousness and depression. Instead, you should respect your child’s feelings by listening to him that allows the child to feel that you care for his wellbeing.
Arm Them With Coping Tools
It is highly important that you give the child a whole repertoire of coping tools that he can bank upon. Hence, whether it is teaching him the turtle technique according to which he can find a quiet place to deal with his anger or telling him to stop, think or choose before reacting, there is a lot you can do. You can also suggest them to use art or write to express their unorganized mind. These will work as effective coping tools. In case you know that the child is anxious about starting a new school for example, you may help to take him for a visit to the school prior to his joining to allay his fears.
Explore Solutions As A-Team
Help children think through plausible solutions. In fact, try and at the same time create situations where the child does not have to listen to “Don’t” or “No” quite repeatedly. Doing all types of chores like picking up toys together or even finding some other ways to make tasks fun come quite in handy develop a bond with the child. Furthermore, do not forget to be a cheerleader for the child when he/she is actually problem-solving. In fact, being specific about what the child did right can make it a great coachable moment for you.
